NFL 2022 schedule release: clown one-man format for the league’s newest must-watch event, plus some real questions

I have a confession: I’m not a big guy.

Don’t do much for me. Looks like it’s becoming an overly bloated exercise. That’s not to say I won’t play, at least to some degree (perhaps as an official Little League scorer), as Global Football Consumers absorb the dump of dates, times, and opponents and start evaluating who’s been taken out. In the league, which got an easy ride.

I have some ideas to share by Friday I’m sure…but I’m also old enough to remember when no one knew exactly when the day of the timeline was released, no one ever thought to talk about it when it was the day of the release of the timeline, and it happened Kinda quietly. On a spring afternoon, the fax machine (you can google it, kids) was in the sports section of the newspaper (sadly most of all, google it, kids), someone finally noticed the paper laying there and read it. (The brilliant writer wasn’t at the team facility that day, because no one was there, because OTAs haven’t become a media event yet, either.) Turns out the facsimile was the NFL team’s home schedule for next season and someone at the desk put together a 10-inch story (google it) that probably lacked a minor line (“staff reports”) and that was it. Life continued.

A long time ago, many, many BlackBerry devices.

Sorry to use all of Prisco on everyone here, but apologies if I didn’t see this as a TV date – a schedule release that won’t run for another half year for games where we already know who the opponents will be. I’d be lying if I said I’m not the slightest bit concerned about where this is going. Because it can become beautiful and exotic.

At the risk of giving Park Avenue lawsuits any ideas, how far away we are from a schedule show that turns into an odd draft of sorts; Is it more of a workout meant for TV? Can you also imagine a future in which one fan is chosen to represent each team (or one actor, or one actor, or one actor, or singer, or TikToker, or whatever) plus one player from that team, for a league event held in the spring In one city in the NFL (or maybe on the road, in London or Munich or Mexico City)? Do you see what I see?

These 64 people are held in a green room (maybe for hours or more as the drama begins) during the entire pre-show, then at 8 p.m. ET we live, starting with an on-stage raffle to determine the order in which each call will begin Clip them to the theater. When it’s their turn, they are called, two by two, to shake hands with The Commish before turning to the microphone. There’s a two-minute clock (that, plus time for commercials, ensures we’re going at least two hours to TV) to allow the mandatory time to take a selfie, post it, and make a quick FaceTime call. If you exceed 2 minutes, you will be sent to the back of the line and lose your turn. Moreover, if you can’t resist the urge to go all out Marinaro, and actually ran out of time, the fan and player are taken off the stage in cane style not “The Gong Show” (if you’re under 35, you can also bail in this column now ).

Our first clip (if you’re going to use that term in a soccer-like column, ride hard) then arrives at a large aquarium decorated with logos from the official league sponsors, which holds 136 plastic balls, each with dates/times/opponent/rights holder One NFL game written inside. Check out the Lucky Couplet No. 1 random ball as the band blasts off the stage (if you pull a catch ball for one of your team matches, you get another chance) and then we watch, beaming, as the entire table comes to life – every 18 weeks – game by game as they are stacked on a huge big board ( Like the draft) behind the stage? Maybe we’re going crazy about it and throwing in some extra balls that have the weeks farewell to a team or department or something weird like that?

Would anyone really be surprised if that’s where this thing goes through, oh, I don’t know, 2026? Official NFL game sponsors can post odds to which pair will take the longest time on the clock, who will pick first, and who will pick 127th, who picks the first ball. Which team table will be fully formed on the big board first? Who is the first person to take Gong Show off the stage? Who gives Rouge the longest hug?

Well, we’ll see where that goes (and if anything like that happens, I at least deserve the Executive/Creative Producer accreditation to add to my resume, right?). In the meantime, here are a few things that I’m deeply interested in seeing unfold when the big reveal happens tomorrow with enough fanfare:

When is Brown goodbye? How many peak matches in the first two months of the season?

The NFL won’t affect Deshaun Watson anytime soon. He’s likely to be nearing the start of the regular season. But there may be some obvious clues about where this specialization might be headed from the table itself. Even if it’s less suspension, will the league want this prime-time QB early in the year? My suspicion is that they don’t want that to be a major talking point as the season gets underway, even though Brown has become one of the most talked about this season.

What does the AFC team schedule for the West look like along the stretch? Which team has been at home the most in the last month of the season?

This division would be insane. I wouldn’t be shocked if any of these four teams made it past the season. But we know the odds of that happening are bleak. Are there some advantages and disadvantages of succession by schedule in the final weeks of the season? These teams generally have to travel more than others due to the nature of their geographical spread. Margins are slim. Does one benefit most from rest/travel with mounting fatigue and exhaustion?

If you rock the NFL Raiders tomorrow—because if you spend 30 seconds around a Raiders fan, you know the league office/big brother is always after them—can they create a hologram of Al Davis displaying the profanity on Roger Goodell from inside the VIP Club Is that near the end zone? (Hint: If you do this, please make sure Amy Trask makes the script. We need the originality here.) I’d totally pay to watch that too, more/less than how many Team CFOs/CFOs do shifters go through before the schedule is actually announced? four?

What does the first six weeks look like for a 49-year-old? early goodbye? When is the Panthers match?

Tri Lance hasn’t played football much in the past few years. Now a lot is waiting for him. How hard is the early gauntlet? When is the week off? This could be the Super Bowl team if the QB play was legit. Oh yeah, and if by chance Jimmy Garoppolo—a forty-nine former freshman—ends up in Carolina, this date with San Francisco is well worth a visit. Jimmy G vs. Shanny 2.0.2 Update I hope the best of stubble will win.

Yes, we are in the REVENGE GAME part of this exercise. Russell Wilson vs. Seahawks. Words that some think will never be written. Would you completely lose Seattle without him? Can the Twelfth Man survive this three-hour quest with Ross on the other side? Would the awesome Twitter/Instagram/social media I barely know would explode if Ciara ran into the Seahawks logo in midfield after the Broncos win, smashed some of her best moves and made a quick copy of “Step 1, 2” until safety interfered? WHAT IF I DID IT WITH (a former Seahawk for a minute) TO? Guy knows a thing or two about logo dancing. Maybe a pushup or two will come out? Oh man, I can’t wait for this season to start.

What about crows/giants?

Why do you think I am highlighting this game after watching the Baltimore massacre against the New York Football Giants not so long ago? Well, for years, the Ravens defense, run by coordinator Wink Martindale, faced the unique Ravens attack, directed by Lamar Jackson and coordinator Greg Roman, every day in training. The Ravens shot Wink after a disastrous 2021 season in defense. No one will have more insight into this offense from a defensive standpoint than him. Wink may not have all the horses he needs in his first year, but she did get better on the draft. He’ll be impressed to see how he handles this game, at any point.

BECAUSE, REMEMBER, THERE WILL BE ONE OR TWO ASSETS THAT WILL BE GOING ON TV FROM NOW AND WHEN THIS GAME WILL TELL YOU THE LEAGUE WAS FORMED FROM LAMAR JACKSON PROMISE ME I swear Assistant DBs Coach from CRAPPY REALLY WHISED THE TEAM WHISED TO ME AND SENT IT ME An agent in a group text. repeatedly. Only this time it became real. Can Wink face the challenge? Ranking this game alone among Scouts Unknown should be record setting.

Oh, and what about eagles/titans?

AJ Brown’s Revenge Game. ‘Naff said. Would the Titans collapse without his massive physical presence and production? Does his addition put Jalen Hurts on the path to making money? Is Malik Willis really under the center of the Titans? Brown’s post-trade press conference made some headlines. If he detonates the points of the chest, he will produce more.

When will we see A-Rod and Brady go head to head for the last time, maybe, maybe, maybe?

The Packers and Bucs have a bit of history, going back to their Bay of Pigs days (yes, if you didn’t know, google). Or Aaron Rodgers at some point in the NFC playoffs since Brady went to Tampa. Of course, in January, we thought that was over. Then, notsofast.

Rodgers pulled out folders full of medical research, pharmaceutical literature, and vaccine trial data that he’d been checking for hours a day (and heaven knows what else) and got out of the purge and announced he should play football again. And maybe twice more, according to the guarantees in that new contract. And Brady retired for about 28 minutes and 3 seconds (sorry to the Hawks fans!) and then broke it off with Ronaldo on the pitch at Old Trafford and announced that he, too, would play football again (and whispered that it could be two, or three, but maybe at more southern Florida area, Wink-Wink).

(Unrelated note: Has Man U won a game since herding goats? A Leeds fan asked. Come on Jesse Marsh, keep us at Brim. Not for you, but for your country!)

So, yes, The Packers will meet the Bucs this season. And the world will watch. Because this could be between these two. Is that true. probably. I promise you. Until they meet again in the playoffs. or not.

When is the Battle of Los Angeles? And can they get Wrath Against the Machine to play in the first half?

Rams and chargers share a home. Well, well, more than that, the Rams have a wonderful football mansion built by their owner and are sublet to certain tenants for different lengths of time. The tractor pull might get a full week. Dr. Dre/Snoop Dogg’s co-title history will likely fill this place up all weekend. Chargers get approximately 10 dates per year, spread out to varying degrees, depending on the year and the number of pre-season and/or regular season games allowed to be hosted. The Rams quickly won the Super Bowl and it’s the big show in town (I’m looking forward to adjusting the “Winning Time” genre for the tournament season to start streaming on their website soon, following that draft-day promo they produced. Casting is already done for good) .

Los Angeles has gone decades without having a single team and it seems like no one cares much about that, let alone two NFL franchises sharing the field. Wouldn’t it be a thing if this game is so early in the year and though Chargers are the “home team” for NFL purposes, being really the home of Kroenke and all, think carefully here for a second: What if the Rams get Their rings and flags hoisted before this match? The Rams have a good laugh and social media / home production / James Cameron Nokoff’s team is legit. What if they took the entire WWF heel, temporarily, and turned this game into a celebration of the 2021 Lombardi Trophy season, even if the Chargers’ logos were on the field that day?

Unfortunately, a man can dream.

The full 2022 NFL schedule will be released Thursday, May 12, at 8 p.m. ET on the NFL Network, NFL.com and the NFL App. NFL GameDay Show: The schedule for that night will be streamed at 8 PM ET on Paramount+, NFL.com, the NFL app, YouTube, and the NFL Channel.

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