Golf is an unforgiving game, exposing the flaws in our swings and testing the limits of our nerves. The reminder came last Sunday at the US Open, when Grayson Murray threw his racket in frustration after combing a triple bogey and then, with several holes, slashing an iron on his knee.
Inappropriate behavior? surely. But we saw worse. Since juvenile behavior is bound to happen, here’s a breakdown of the 10 most embarrassing ways to vent your frustration on the course.
One f-bomb can be used if it is under your breath. But when you slice a long, loud blue line, you’re making a hole in yourself.
9. Hit your bag at the club
These are childish things, but we’ll let them slide for once. Do it again, though, and you’ll get your time out.
8. Kick and cut the basement sand
Everything you know about golf you learned in kindergarten. Time to read another self-help book.
7. Kick the cart
We feel your pain. Worst news, you probably do too.
6. Cudgel Biting
As if a bad shot wasn’t enough punishment, you’ve decided to double your suffering by destroying your possessions. You have to be someone with more money than meaning.
5. Blame it on your enclosure
It was not a bad read. It was a bad stroke. Throwing the responsibility on your loper doesn’t say anything about them and everything about you — none of that is good.
4. Take off mid-round
This is so ridiculous, it’s almost funny. Once we’re done laughing, we’ll begin the paperwork to enroll you in First Tee.
3. Club throwing
The severity of this violation depends on how and where the projectile is fired. If you have endangered others, you should be turned away in handcuffs, or at least off the ground. If you throw it harmlessly into a lake, your delusion will be softened by the fact that you are funny and pathetic.
2. Spitting in the cup
Sergio Garcia did this 15 years ago and no one has forgotten him. Enough said.
1. Hit your racket in the green
In one of the lower steps of Dante’s Inferno, tormented souls are immersed forever under the fetid waters of the River Styx. This is a very good place for you.